Things I don't get...

Let me begin this post by saying that I know for a fact God blesses people. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind about this. 

Me: How are you doing? (Generic question)

Responder: I'm blessed.

Okay seriosly? Is that right? I am so glad. However, I feel like this is some kind of Christian Verbal War. How are you? Well let me tell you the Lord has just been blessing me like crazy! Really? That is freaking awesome. But what happens when you don't feel connected to the Lord are you going to give the same response? I mean I guess that is positive thinking. Maybe I'm wrong.

Or just the generally cheesy "christianese" sayings we have. I quite frankly am dumbfounded and flabergasted by there use.

Here are some examples (Feel free to add your own):

How's your walk? (How is my actually gait? Kind of waddley why do you ask?)

How will that affect your witness? (Who committed a crime?)

Unchurced (My wife's favorite she was once told because she hadn't gone to church in a few months that she was in fact unchurched, fascinating!)

Michael W. Smith

So on and so forth...

A feeling....

You know what I don't like? I don't like being sick. I'm pretty sure most people agree. However, we are people and I'm sure someone somewhere likes being sick. I used to make myself sick to get out of music class in 3rd grade. I was terrified of my music teacher. I love music but this woman was straight "double double toil and trouble". She scared me...alot! Why well a couple of reasons: 1st oragami and 2nd the flutophone. Okay so in music class why would you ever do oragami? Well our teacher decided that it would be fun to make piano oragami. Well that is great but I can't fold properly. I am not a fan of straight lines. Don't like to cut them or fold on them. I'm sure this part of my personality comes as a great shock to many of you. Anyway my piano was sort-of lopsided. She didn't say much about it but I could tell she didn't like it. This just hurt my feelings. She would make passive-agressive comments to the "bad" piano makers. Then we were playing flutophone. Are you aware of this silly instrument? Apparently, it is neccesary for 3rd graders to play hot cross buns on this tiny plastic thing. Anyway. I had a recorder the more sophisticated version of the flutophone. Any way we were supposed to play these glorious instruments in our left hand. I was holding mine in my right before we began playing them. So, my evil music teacher comes over with a permanent marker and rights "L" and "R" on their respective hands. I am not an idiot! I knew the difference. Yet here I am with permanent ink on my hands telling all of the school this kid can't fold (in my head) nor tell left from right. Seriously! This was quite tramatic for me. So, I began to fake sick on music class days. I actually was so afraid I would give my self a fever a sure fire way to go home. Or I'd make myself puke. These were the only solution to my problem. Perhaps talking about it should have been my first inclination but sickness was easier.

Not that it matters but Hot Cross Buns on a Flutophone or Recorder is B - A - G- B- A- G G-G-G-G A-A-A-A B-A-G. Ah memories.