Sometimes, I don't know what to say. I know that this may come as a shock to those of you who know me but honestly it is true. When things happen that I don't understand or am confused by. I feel the need to speak up but never know what to say. I am a human defense system. I only let certain people in but I am very outgoing. I love meeting new people and being the center of attention. I would be lying if I said otherwise. Of course then there is that side of me where I am so scared that people might find out what I am thinking or what I am feeling and I want to run away to protect them.

There is something called an inner circle, well that is what my friend Jason calls it, where you only let certain people in on the intimate details of your life. I don't know about this. I mean there are probably four people in this group who I can totally open up to. This is just as scary though because now there are five people who know things I never wanted to admit to myself. So, for someone who loves all the attention; I have always longed for intimacy but relished in my shallow friendships. Does this make me a bad person or am I still too young to realize this is exactly what I need? I have always wanted a David-Johnathon friendship and those things are starting to happen in my life. I have this amazing wife. Yet I am scared. Mostly of myself and making that next step. Of course in the very core of what I am saying you find cliche and truth. Is life lived out and life lived in your head always going to be this dichotomy? Can the two ever truly come together? I want to want to live life to the fullest and I am in love with the idea of Carpe Diem but is it achievable? Does everyone need to know what is going on with me? Where is this line? Is it indelible or flexible? Is it all just one big lesson?